I was raised by my grandmother after my mother was sent to prison. My grandmother raised me in a Pentecostal church. I knew the oneness of God. I knew the plan of salvation. I had received the Holy Ghost at a young age and knew God had a call on my life after a life-changing service at a Mississippi youth camp. I never faltered. I was the first one to any event prayer service, lock ins, youth rallies. It was my life. Who I was. After I graduated high school, I went to Jackson College of Ministries. I was determined to turn the world upside down for Jesus. After an abrupt shut down of the school, I was devastated and didn’t know what to do next. The door opened for me to help a small home missions church (to protect the family of this church it will remain nameless). I was so excited to go. Far from home, I felt I was in God's will. This is where the devil started an all out attack in my life. I was faced with abuse from ministry. This left me confused and angry. I began to rebel against everything I ever believed in. After a 4-year blur of chaos, I came home. I was utterly defeated. All of my wrongs were open for the world to see. I felt like depression was literally sucking the life out of me. I thought suicide was the only option for me. I was a failure to God, to my family, to every ministry friend I ever had. Thank God the Lord saw fit to salvage me and keep me out of a mental institution. It’s funny how clear things can be when you are on the other side. No longer did this person deserve my life, my feelings, my effort. I had to give it all over to Jesus. Besides I had made a mess of my life. I had no life goals besides ministry. I prayed back through and ended up on a missions trip to the Philippines where I saw God do the miraculous. I wish I could tell you I stayed faithful. After coming home, I felt like my failures were even more apparent and I would never be able to overcome them. One night, I left my job and went to a club. The rest was history. The next four years I was the life of every party, every trip. I could drink with the best of them. I never turned a bet down. I finished nursing school and found fulfillment in that. However, I didn’t want to admit to myself or anyone else the need for alcohol every night was a problem. It made me forget. It quieted the failures laughing at me. Eventually, this wasn’t enough. So I added muscle relaxers and different prescription medications with the alcohol to try and numb my pain. I remember lying at night drunk and messed up with tears running down my face thinking…not tonight God. Don’t come back tonight Jesus. I quickly married a man I loved and we found ourselves separated and filing for divorce after only being married a few months. I was devastated. I never dated really; I was so focused on ministry in my teen years, how could I be getting divorced? To further my heartbreak, I found out I was having a baby. This could not be happening. I was told due to some medical conditions that I would likely never be a mother. Now this precious child would have a split home. Another failure on the books for me. I was nowhere near where I needed to be; I wasn’t even going to church. Our divorce was final two weeks after our beautiful daughter was born. When Sophia was three months old, I went to church one Sunday morning, and my pastor preached the word with anointing on the prodigal son coming home. Oh the conviction I felt. I looked down at this perfect baby in my arms, and I knew I either had to give it all over to God and raise this baby in the truth of God's word or she would only know the Christmas and Easter services here and there. I was so overwhelmed; how could God love me enough after all of the horrible things I had done to give me this miracle of being a mother and the miracle of forgiveness and renewing me. I went to the front during the alter call, and it wasn’t long before somebody said, here let me hold that baby. My hands went in the air and his love and mercy washed over me like a flood. All of the dirtiness, the failures, and the ugliness of my past were washed away. It was a journey to get to where I am now, and God's still working on me daily. I met my husband and watched as God drew him in from a denominational church to the fullness of truth. I was blessed with two bonus sons. Then God blessed me and Matthew with our son, Jackson. God has continued to move in our family. My oldest bonus son feels the call to ministry, he sings in our local congregation. My daughter can’t wait until she is old enough to be a praise singer, and she is working on her piano skills to be able to play in church. I am nearing the end of my first year of Nurse Practitioner school. I never thought I would be living in God's blessings like I am today. I serve on our praise team, and I help teach Sunday school. It doesn’t matter how far you are, God knows exactly where you are, and He is willing and able to restore you! Come home.